Kiddies

So once you get married the questions begin: "When are you gonna have kids?", or "How many children to you plan on having?" And then once you have your first, that's not good enough I guess because then you get asked, "So when are you guys going to have another one?" Okay, so it's not like I hate people who ask me these questions. I mean, I ask other people the same thing too. Maybe it's just a conversation starter. But sometimes, depending on the person it comes from, I feel a lot of pressure to start having more NOW. Mike and I talked about this about a year after Vessel was born and we both agreed that we were perfectly content with our 1 little boy at the time. One child is very hard work as it is. Yes, it's hard work even though Vessel is like a dream child that hardly ever fusses or whines. Yes, it's hard work even though Mike helps out SO much with Vessel (sometimes maybe even more than I do!) In those ways I feel very blessed by the Lord. He knows my limits and He knows my strengths and weaknesses and I believe He gave me what He knew I could handle at the time.
Growing up, I was around kids often. In high school I babysat for several families in the neighborhood. I loved kids and they seemed to love me. We had fun together and I thought to myself, "I'm going to have 10 of these!" In college I took a lot of child development and family classes. I volunteered at preschools and daycares. I started to feel like my one true calling in life was going to be motherhood. Even in my Patriarchal blessing it talks A LOT about being a mother and specific things regarding my family and children. I was happy about it and I looked forward to starting my own family.
When we were blessed with Vessel, I was kind of thrown for a loop. It was a lot harder than I anticipated. This wasn't like babysitting anymore. This kid was mine and it wasn't like I was just taking care of him temporarily. It took more time to grown into the role of "mother" than expected. Even though things are easier now and I am more confident, I just don't feel ready to have another one YET. I don't know why, but I've kind of felt guilty about it lately. Perhaps in part of people asking me when I'm going to have another one. It seems like most families, at least LDS families have children fairly close in age. Kind of just get them all out of the way at once, ya know. Recently I've felt some pressure to do the same thing. Until yesterday.
Yesterday morning I went crossing at an intersection that required two crossing guards so I had a buddy to talk to. While we were waiting for school children to arrive we started talking a bit about ourselves and I learned that she had a 2 year old that she sometimes brought crossing with her. Then I found out she had 2 more children and they are all about 5 years apart. I was curious about that and she said she and her husband had planned it that way. That's what worked for them and their circumstances. She said she knew she wanted about 3-4 children, but she also knew she couldn't handle them all so close in age because of her particular life situation and personality. This conversation really made me feel better. Recently I've just had the feeling that I'll be less of a mother if I don't have as many kids as my body will allow me to and have them all like a year apart. But after talking to this mother I didn't feel like that anymore.
I thought about it a lot yesterday. I shouldn't worry so much about what other people are doing I guess. I need to do what's best for me and my family. I can't think that Heavenly Father is going to compare me to someone else or expect me to follow the same life path as anyone else. The thought of this really comforted me. Heavenly Father knows me as an individual and He knows what's in store for me and my family and I just have to trust that. I DO want to have more children, but I don't need to have them NOW, do I? Some people might have the approach of having them all in school together or out of the house around the same time. This really isn't an issue for me. I suppose Mike and I will know when the time is right to start trying for more.
For the most part I feel really happy with life right now and the way things are. I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea. Just because I want to wait a few more years before giving birth again doesn't mean I don't like kids, especially my own. What works for one family might not work for us. This mindset just reassured me that even if we aren't doing what every other family in the neighborhood is doing doesn't mean we're doing something wrong. If I don't have my kids one after the other, it doesn't deter from my true calling as a mother. Having one child is great and I just want to focus on raising him right now. And if Vessel doesn't have a sibling really close in age to him, is that going to be detrimental to him? I doubt it.
Vessel is a good boy and I seriously couldn't ask for a better child. He's taught me a lot about patience, and love and I feel really blessed to be his mom.
Speaking of that kid, he's drawing right now. I can't seem to get a pencil out of his hand. It's like the only thing that he really likes to do. He doesn't want to play with any of his other toys. Just give him a pencil and some paper and he'll be content for an hour or more, no joke. And if you try to take it away, be prepared for a scream like you've never heard before! What really impresses me is that he holds his pencil with his fingers exactly like an adult would instead of in his fist. And when he's "drawing," his concentration is impeccable. I think it's very interesting how his little mind works.
I'm excited to see what our other children will be like, but there's no rush, right?