Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Longest Month Ever

     It has been a dreadfully long month.  Mike has been super busy since the last week of April and the entire month of May has been even crazier.  There were a few weeks there that I only saw him maybe 3 hours total for the entire week, and that's not an exaggeration.  During earning season there were several days he woke up at 3am and rushed out the door and didn't get home until 11 or 12.  Seriously, almost 24 hour work days.  He'd come home, shower, and sleep for 1-2 hours only to start all over again.  I don't know how he functions on such little sleep. Truly.  If he comes out of this month with a meth addiction, I'll totally know why.   

     Obviously the worst downside to him being so busy is that we haven't had any time together for sooooo long.  Right after his busy week dealing with earnings reports, he took off on a business trip to Florida for a week.  We got to talk occasionally, though he was usually in meetings and then, because of the 3 hour time difference, he was usually in bed by the time I got the kids to bed and had a minute of quiet time to chat.  When we did get a chance to talk, I enjoyed hearing about the many shenanigans he took part in during his trip.  And he always had a funny story to share.  It sounded like the humidity was pretty intense, so he spent a lot of the time driving in an air conditioned car.  But for fun during one long drive, he told me how he decided to turn the heat on full blast for the last hour of his trip.  Stepping out into the humid heat of Florida really wasn't that bad after that.  Oh, the things that kid does for entertainment.  :)  And I got a real life gator head as a souvenir.  I can't think of anything more romantic than that as a gift.

 
     After the Florida trip, he was home for another week but I barely saw him due to his insane work schedule.  When that week was up, he took another week long trip to NYC, Boston, and Connecticut.  Lucky for him, the train derailment took place just a few days prior to his departure.  As he was about to board his train in Boston he texted me a picture of it and said, "Hopefully we don't crash.  Honestly, who crashes a train?  Seems like the easiest thing to NOT crash."  I lol'd because I know he was just trying to reassure me and be light hearted, but I'll admit I worried about him non-stop.  Though we were both grateful he survived the commute, I think he was pretty annoyed by the whole thing.  On Facebook he wrote, "So my train ride from Boston to New York has become two trains, a bus, and another train. This is the best day of my life!"  That sums up the amazingness of the trip right there.  Gotta love that boy's sarcasm.   

     We hardly got to talk to each other while he was gone on that trip too.  But not on account of our lack of trying.  Whenever I tried to call him he was on a train and the announcer was giving instructions over the loud speaker in a high pitched voice laced with an East coast accent.  Needless to say, neither one of us could hear the other, so we gave up.  If he wasn't en route to a new destination, he was in a meeting.  Also, I think the time change killed us.  He called me back at his hotel after all his meetings had ended for the day, but I was usually in the middle of making dinner and/or wrangling with the children.  On one very special night, we had just started talking when the smoke alarm went off.  Unfortunately, I had been putting off cleaning whatever crap fell at the bottom of my oven, so every time I used it, it continued to burn the already charred, incomprehensible food that got stuck there.  I pinched the phone between my ear and shoulder and frantically went around the house opening windows and fanning at the smoke detector with a cookie sheet.  The kids began to freak out and cry (the reaction that always follows the sound of the smoke detector) and I was sweating buckets from running around just trying to keep things from falling apart.  When the noise subsided, I sighed deep into the phone, feeling frustrated that our conversation was again interrupted.  Mike joked, "I sure have missed your home cookin' while I've been away."  If it wasn't for his wonderful sense of humor, I might've cried instead of laughed.  I told him I'd try to call back later when things settled down.  And once again, when I had finally got the children to bed, it was much too late for Mike to talk, at least to have an in-depth conversation about the day's events.  Instead he asked in a sleepy voice, "So what kind of knock-off designer crap do you want me to get you on Canal Street?  A Chanel bag, Oakleys, or a gold Rolex?"  I laughed, and told him I missed him.  "I miss you too, babe" he said, "but I guess I better get some sleep. Early morning meetings tomorrow."  Yes, I knew that he needed to sleep.  And so did I.  "Good night," I whispered.  "I love you."  Then the phone went "click." 

     This whole month has just been a blur.  I don't know how single parents do it.  I mean, how do they go to a job AND still be a parent?  Like, a good parent?  I feel like I was barely getting by as a "good" parent while Mike was away.  "You wanna eat ice cream for dinner?  Why not?"  "You wanna stay up until 10:30pm?  Sure, I'm okay with that."  Geez, I was hardly productive most days he was gone.  "Do I really need to get dressed for the day?  I have nobody to impress," I'd rationalize.  Although, it was nice to stay up reading in bed with the light on.  Nobody to disturb, right?  And I didn't miss Mike's alarm going off at 3:30 every morning.  Plus, without Mike there, I could sprawl out on the bed as much as I wanted and sleep in the shape of a starfish if I felt so inclined.  Our queen size bed felt as big as an ocean with just me in it.  However, the nights were a lot colder without someone to cuddle next too.  I have to say, the benefits of having him gone didn't really outweigh the disadvantages.  I hate being away from him. 

     Now that he's back from his NYC trip, I still haven't seen much of him.  This week is all about studying for the level 3 CFA exam.  He's been studying for several months, but now it's crunch time.  His test is on June 3rd, and if he passes he will officially be done with it and get a new title!  N. Michael Bates, CFA.  Sounds catchy, right?  Every spare minute is used to study, take practice quizzes, and then study some more.  I will be so friggin' happy when this month ends and his test is over with and we can enjoy a carefree summer.  I just have to get through the next 5 days!!!  Wish me luck, friends.     


Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Motherhood

Yesterday I took little man Jacob to his 1 year check up. Always a fun time, right? His weight and height has averaged out, but I guess he's got a big noggin' according to the stats. But I love that kid's melon. He's a cutie. Anyway, if you're a parent who immunizes your kids, you know that the 1 year check up is a shot day. I absolutely hate watching my kids get shots. The weirdest thing though is that Vessel really wanted to get a shot yesterday. He kept saying, "I feel sick, I think I need a shot." Uh, really? You feel that left out that you want to get a shot like your brother? Crazy kid. Anyhoo, like I was saying, holding your child while the nurse pricks them with that needle is kind of heart wrenching. The tears only last for a few seconds, but still, there is just something that makes a mother's heart ache to see her child in pain, even if it's necessary pain. So after all the poking and prodding I had to take little man to the lab to get a gluten allergy test (long story...) And this was a toughie for me. The nurse put a little tourniquet on his tiny arm and he looked at me like he knew something bad was about to happen. His lower lip started to quiver and his eyes started to well up. Another nurse had to hold his arm down while the 1st nurse stuck the needle in. She couldn't find the vein right off, so she jiggled it around for a few seconds. Jake was belting out the most desperate cry as if he was pleading for me to make them stop. I was crying too. I mean, I want to be strong for my kids, but man I couldn't stop the tears from coming. So I just held him tight and we cried together. 2 viles of blood later and we were done. Motherhood does that to me. It probably does that to all of us. It doesn't matter if we give birth to them or adopt them. When our kids hurt, we hurt. The womb has no say in this. I also realized yesterday that when my kids are in trouble I can pretty much do things I didn't think I could do. While Jacob was napping, Vessel and I were at the table eating sandwiches for lunch. I looked over and realized that Vessel was choking. My instincts kicked in and I bolted from my chair, grabbed him and was about to perform the Heimlich maneuver on him (only, I don't know how to do the Heimlich.) Before I did anything to him he was able to get the food dislodged on his own and he spit it out. I breathed a sigh of relief. If it had been worse and I had to get it out I'm sure I'd find a way. Adrenaline is a crazy thing. We finished our lunch and then I put Vessel down for a nap too. While I was cleaning up the kitchen I just kept thinking about how scary the situation was. I can't imagine what I would do without my kids.
Motherhood changes a woman. I have found myself more than once jumping to my kid's defense whether he was being compared to another kid by his/her mother or getting picked on at the park. I can become a monster! You mess with my kid and you basically just signed up to be on my crap list for the rest of your life. I love my kids fiercely and it's something I didn't or couldn't understand until they entered my life. I remember my mom saying, "Just wait 'til you have children of your own." "Yeah, yeah, Mom, whatever" was probably my response. But now I get it. Motherhood is hard sometimes. Kids can grate on your nerves, especially when they fight or whine or disobey or draw on the couch or turn an important paper into an airplane. Pregnancy ain't no cake walk either, when you're in the throes of exhaustion, sickness, pain, grumpiness, and riding that wonderful roller coaster of hormones. But I wouldn't trade my kids for anything. I'm sure there will be plenty of times in the future when I will cry with them or for them. Times when "Mother Bear" will appear because some mouthy child calls my child a name. Times when one of the kids will be in danger and I'll have to do whatever is within my power to protect them. Being a parent is such an overwhelming and intense experience. But I'm happy I joined the ranks.