Monday, August 26, 2013

Sometimes the right answer isn't the one you expect (or want) to hear...

     Mike recently received a job offer at a company in NYC.  He officially accepted the position as of last week.  It's still a shock for me.  We've only been in Portland for 17 months and now we are moving AGAIN.  And not just a small move.  We're moving to a GIANT city on the other side of the country.  I have loved it here ever since we arrived last year.  I have had my heart set on putting down roots, buying a house and raising our kids HERE.  I have grown to love the Pacific Northwest and it breaks my heart to leave.
     For many months now, Mike and I have been praying for guidance to know where we should be looking for houses.  We've also been praying to know what to do about Mike's job situation.  In my mind, I wasn't looking outside of the Portland area because I thought we were going to be here long term.  And for many years I've been telling Mike that the East Coast was off limits.  I figured he'd surely be able to find a job on this side of the country, because there was no way I would agree to anything different.
     Well, knowing that our lease was about to expire this past March, Mike and I started house hunting sometime around February.  And during our months of searching, I just never felt "right" about any of the places we looked at.  I kept getting the prompting to be patient because there would be something else out there to consider. I thought maybe the house we were supposed to live in just wasn't on the market yet or other various possibilities.  I'm not a very patient person, but I agreed to wait and trusted that the timing wasn't right, for whatever reason.
     In the meantime, Mike and I discussed the possibility of him leaving his current company.  There were some rumors going around that made Mike feel uneasy, and long story short---in order for us to be serious about buying a house he needed to feel secure in his job first.  So we decided to put the house hunting on hold until we felt more confident about his current job position or until he found another job that would provide more stability.  We both assumed that he'd find another job in the Portland area.  He applied to quite a few places, but there were no jobs listed in this area that would help him progress in the profession he is interested in.  Although, the jobs he was looking at seemed decent enough, he felt like he'd be taking a step away from his ultimate career goal.
     So he applied to a job posting that actually fit the exact description of what he does at his current job.  The posting said that they would prefer that the chosen employee work from the Houston, TX office or the NYC office, BUT that they could be flexible.  Mike thought he might have a chance to work from Portland if he got offered the job, because all he really needs to do his job is a phone and a computer, and many of the other associates are supposedly located all over the country.  Well, he killed it on all the interviews and made a great impression on everyone he talked to.  When he was offered the job he asked about the "flexibility" regarding location that was mentioned in the posting.  It turns out they were just kidding, apparently.  :)  They told him that moving to the NYC office was a requirement.
   Anyway, it's been a very stressful week and a half.  His new boss wanted Mike to let him know of our decision a.s.a.p.  But Mike's work schedule made it impossible for us to talk about it in detail for a few days.  The Friday after he got the offer we decided we needed to seriously take some time to discuss the prospect of moving.  We wanted to go to the temple to receive more insight about what was right for our family, but the temple was closed until the 19th and we didn't have time to wait for that.  We were signed up to attend the ward camp out that night, but instead, we arranged for a babysitter to come over so we could have some alone time from the kids to converse about the job he'd have, where we might live, and the craziness of it all.
     I mulled over it all weekend.  I weighed the pros and cons.  My mind kept going back and forth.  The Lord says He wants us ponder and study things out and come to a decision and ask Him if it's right.  But during times like this, I wish He would just tell me the right answer.  I have the mindset of "I'll do whatever it is you want, just don't make me decide, mmmmmkay?"  Making the choice is the hardest part because I so desperately don't want to make the wrong one.
     On Sunday Mike and I fasted together.  The talks during sacrament meeting really hit me hard.  God knew I needed to hear those words.  The first talk was about finding an answer.  Things I took from the other talks included seizing opportunities, jobs, education, priorities....lots of stuff that was at the forefront of my mind.
     That night I told Mike I felt like we needed to move to NYC.  And he concurred with me.  I think he knew the right answer long before I received a witness.  It isn't what I wanted at first.  But sometimes the right answer isn't the one you want to hear.  It is really sad for me in a lot of ways.  Mike's brother just got a job in Seattle and we were excited to live closer to some more of our family.  I love our ward and the people in it.  I have made good friends here.  I love our neighbors and our kids have friends.  Vessel will just be starting school and have to leave a few months in.  I love the whole Portland vibe.  I love the beauty that exists in western Oregon.  I loved the mild winter we experienced last year (no snow and no below zero temps!)  And it feels like we JUST MOVED.  That's because we did!!  It is still hard to wrap around my mind around all this, but if this is where the Lord wants us to be, then I will follow the promptings of the spirit.  It's definitely very scary, but I feel more at peace about it after praying.  Everything will be okay.
     And, on the bright side, the move to New York won't be permanent.  We will end up back here in a few years.  This is where Mike and I agree we want to settle down for the rest of our lives.  This job experience will be good for him and good for his resume.  And I support my husband in his new venture.  Hmmmm, I guess it turns out I will follow him wherever he goes, even the East Coast.  I must love him or something.
    There are so many things I need to do in the next few months.  Mike will be leaving to start work in a couple of weeks.  And while he's living in the city I will be here with my little ones, trying to arrange moving and talking to realtors.  It will be hard to be away from him for weeks at a time until we find the right house and the boys and I can finally move out there and be reunited with him.  *sigh*   I'll have to get back into the swing of writing on this blog so I can keep people posted on our latest adventure.