Today would have been my mother's 45th birthday. Two years ago we had driven up to Idaho to celebrate with her and my sister. It was so nice to visit with them. I said we should give mom her birthday presents right away. The last gift I gave her was a bib that read "I Love My Grandma." That's how I broke the news to her that I was pregnant. She was so happy and excited that she started crying. She wanted to be a grandma more than anything. I'll always remember that day. I didn't think that 3 months later she would be gone. I found the bib among the things in her room after she died and now it sits in my cedar chest. I still miss her terribly. I wish I could just pick up the phone and call her and tell her about life and tell her about her grandson. I wish I could have one more conversation with her. I wish I could wish her a happy birthday. It's like a heartache that never goes away. Most days it's mild. Other days like today, I feel very downhearted. I don't believe a day goes by that I don't think of her at least once. She is so missed. But today, on her birthday, I have tried really hard to remember the many good things about her life. And I think I even smiled.
1 comment:
I think you are right, the heartache of missing someone so much never goes away, I guess we just get used to feeling it there and it becomes a part of us. Certainly not a part we enjoy, but it does shape us.
It's very cool Jamie, that you spent your Mom's birthday thinking of all the good times. She would want that I think. She would want you to remember the good times every time you think of her. That's what I would want my family to do after I have gone.
love your family, and your blog-
Gramma Rose
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