Friday, September 28, 2007
On The Brain Tonight
I’ve been really delving in some controversial ideas lately. I guess it all started with Oprah. Last week while I was nursing Vessel I began flipping through the channels and saw that she was doing a show on intersexed individuals. (intersexed being the preferred term over hermaphrodite.) Those who appeared on the show were born with both male and female genitals and when they were born their parents were encouraged to assign a gender to their child and the doctors performed the required surgery depending on the situation. One individual’s parents didn’t allow the doctor to perform surgery at all and the child grew up basically between genders. Those on the show faced some real issues later in life, especially when they hit adolescence. The majority of the guests felt like their parents had made the wrong decision, and they were actually a boy living in a girl’s body, or vice-versa. It was a really interesting show.
And then today, I was flipping through the channels again and Oprah was doing a show on transgender individuals, or people who are born with normal functioning male or female bodies but feel like they are the opposite gender inside. One guest, a boy who was born a girl, said he knew he was a boy at the age of 6. Anyway, it got me thinking a lot about what Mike and I would do if any of our children had these kinds of feelings or if any of our future children are born with parts belonging to both male and female. We agreed that we probably wouldn’t do anything unless an operation was necessary (like if they couldn’t excrete waste or something like that.) I would feel pretty bad if we said “make our child a girl” and raised the baby as a girl, only to find out later that “she” was spiritually a boy. At least for me, I think I would wait until the child was old enough to know what he or she felt like, and if the decision came up to have surgery as an adult, I would be totally supportive of their choice.
But then it got me thinking on a more spiritual level. I started questioning why Heavenly Father would allow a person to be born with something like that if one of the main points of this earth life is to have a family, multiply and replenish the earth. The whole scenario got me thinking about gay people (I realize gay is not the same as transgender or intersexed) and wondered if gay people are similar to these other folks to some degree. Is it possible that their spirits were put into the wrong body? Then I thought, no, gay people feel like they have the right body, they just have an attraction to the opposite sex. Then I started thinking “are gay people born gay or is it a choice?” This is an ongoing debate for a majority of homosexuals. I have had several gay friends throughout my adolescence and adulthood. Several times my best friend (who I’ll call “D” and who, by the way, was raised LDS) and I would talk about whether he chose to be gay or if he felt he was born gay. His constant reply was that he was born that way. I would argue back that Heavenly Father wouldn’t make someone gay because it goes against His entire plan. D would shoot back with “Why would I choose this lifestyle? It’s one of the hardest lifestyles to live in this society.” So back and forth we’d go. I finally came to accept that D was set in his ways and beliefs and why should I try to change him? Whether he was born gay or chose that lifestyle, it isn’t my duty to convert him to heterosexuality. And it isn’t my place to judge him or determine his fate. Heavenly Father knows his heart and knows his circumstances just as He does everyone else. So from then on I never really thought about it anymore because, to be honest, it didn’t affect me personally, so why worry myself with it? I’ll live my life and gay people can live theirs and we can still be friends.
But deep down I continued to believe that it was a choice. I rationalized that it was easier for gay people to say it was a choice because it somehow took the blame off them. I thought, maybe gay people feel like society (and perhaps bitter parents and other family members) would look on it more tolerantly if they thought it was something that couldn’t be helped or something that couldn’t be chosen. A scapegoat…wouldn’t that be easier? They don’t want to be held accountable so it’s easier to assume they “can’t help it.” My personal belief is that an attraction towards the opposite sex is just a trial to overcome, just like someone else’s trial in life might be addiction, or a family member’s death or any other number of hardships people face. I thought it was something that could be conquered with help through the proper channels and with the right amount of faith and strength and will power.
During a conversation one night with some relatives, my sister- in-law brought up the possibility that homosexuality is genetic. She made several persuasive and convincing comments, although, my convictions weren’t so strong at the time. This is mostly due in part of my apathetic nature. Like I said earlier, if something doesn’t pertain to me directly, then I feel no need to diligently seek out answers regarding the subject. I basically leave it in God’s hands. Like if something isn’t relevant to my own salvation (or someone close to me) then why should I dwell on the matter, research it, or try to find points and information in compliance with my views?
Anyway, my sister-on-law made a comment that straight people can’t choose to like the same sex so why could gay people choose to like the opposite sex? I said because it goes against God’s plan and we are made in his image. They said who we’re attracted to could be genetic or something inborn that we can’t control. But I couldn’t see how God would make someone gay. Sure, not everyone who comes to earth has a perfect body or mind. Sometimes people are born with physical handicaps or mental diseases that they can’t control and God allows that. Yet, those types of things (i.e. Downs Syndrome, autism, etc.) wouldn't affect a person’s eternal salvation. It’s not like Heavenly Father pre-ordains people to be murderers or molesters, so why would he create someone to be gay? That would take away free agency. Heavenly Father wants us all to return to Him so it doesn’t make sense that He would make someone in a way that goes entirely against His plan. I know everyone has urges and desires (that’s part of mortality), but it’s whether or not we act upon those sinful urges that determines a person’s faithfulness and righteousness. So if homosexuality is genetic, that’s not anyone’s fault but God’s? I don’t think so. There has also been research that shows there is an alcoholic gene. So if I was born with this gene, then there’s no hope for me? That just doesn’t make sense. If this alcoholic gene really exists and I’m pre-disposed to becoming an alcoholic, the possibility of me becoming such is very low if I avoid situations where I could drink. It’s my choice whether to stay away from alcohol or to give in, drink, and let the substance become a part of who I am. So in the case of homosexuality, if it is genetic, wouldn't it make sense that those who have the supposed gene could choose to act upon those urges, or choose to stay away from homosexual behavior all together? I believe everyone has weaknesses and how we overcome them or try to become more like Christ is what our judgment is based on. Everyone has different weaknesses…some of us have urges to be hateful, urges to do mean things, urges to do drugs, to lie, to pursue instant gratification, etc. but if we act on those urges or encourage those thoughts then there’s no one else to blame but ourselves.
But now I find myself completely inundated with this information I recently watched on T.V. The transgender people who absolutely feel they were given the wrong bodies or the intersexed folks with bodies that aren’t exactly one gender or the other…do they have a choice? I talked to Mike about this and he suggested that when they become resurrected beings, their bodies will match their spirit, whether male or female. This makes sense to me. But gay people don’t necessarily feel like they were given the wrong gender body, they are just attracted to the same sex. So I feel like it’s totally different.
I’ve been thinking a lot about choice and free agency lately because last week’s young women lesson was about making wise choices. We covered basic things like when we make a choice, there is always a consequence. If you smoke you put yourself at risk for health problems, if you disobey your parents you may have a privilege taken away, if you dress immodestly you could give the wrong impression to boys, if you cheat on a test you could lose the trust of your teacher and never learn the subject material, etc. etc. We have the right to choose. Free agency is one of the greatest gifts given to man. Neither God nor Satan can force us to do anything. But there are guidelines to follow. And I just feel like perhaps there are some things that can’t be chosen. For instance, a mother who chooses to do drugs while she’s pregnant may have a child born with birth defects or learning disabilities. That mother made the choice, but did the child get to choose its body? Or a mother who aborts her child has a choice, but does that child? The choice a person makes to drive recklessly may cause another person to get into an accident causing serious injury or death. Did that injured person have a choice? Or if there was a way to genetically enhance an unborn child or a way to "fix" a defect while in the womb, would the choice to use man’s technology to do these things affect the whole “plan,” or is it already laid out the way it’s supposed to be? I know everyone has a purpose and everything has meaning…but I guess right now I am just having a hard time understanding how much (if anything) is determined by us and how much is determined by Heavenly Father.
I understand that the people who have handicapped bodies or who are born intersexed have a purpose, even if that purpose is to only receive a body. I suppose I don’t need to mull over these ideas too much. I may never receive all the answers to my questions while here on earth. And some things are not necessary to know at this time anyway. I guess the only thing I need to do is trust that God knows what He’s doing. And I suppose I already feel in my heart the answers to some of my questions anyway. I just read this over and realized that it’s pretty random and I jump around a lot. Sorry about that. I think it just makes it easier for me to understand if I can write it out.
p.s. I don’t mind getting other people’s ideas or opinions, but please nothing hateful
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4 comments:
I think it's okay for you to ask questions. But don't get too disappointed if you don't find the answers you're looking for (if you find answers at all.) And don't get so wrapped up in the "why's" and "hows" of everything in life that you lose your faith and testimony. Like you said, God's perspective is much greater than man's and he knows all.
for what it's worth, i always felt the same way - that if we had a baby born with ambiguous genitalia (which is not that uncommon), we would let them decide later if they wanted to have surgery depending on what sex they believed themselves to be. that makes more sense to me than arbitrarily making the choice for them.
the transgender issue has always been very confusing to me. i think it goes back to the question of how we define gender in our culture. does it really speak to being put in the "wrong" body if you'd rather wear dresses and makeup and have breasts and a high-pitched voice? is gender in our culture really defined so simplistically, so rigidly? would transgendered people feel that surgery wasn't necessary if we lived in a culture where they could feel free to identify their gender as they pleased? or is it just a matter of parts, that your parts don't feel right? or something. :)
if you look at the science behind the idea of a homosexual gene, it's not as simple as saying that it's like alcoholism, as in alcoholism has been passed down so that it's suggested in the genetic code, as a potential. it's more like a mutation, in which the genetic code is permanently altered. it's much more like down's than like alcoholism. if you have down's in your genetic code, it's irrevocable. having down's syndrome is obviously not a choice. and the theory is that the gay gene is the same - purely physical, not a potential possibility with a lot of psychological, cultural, and familial effects that would make it more or less likely, like alcoholism. seen in this context, homosexuality may or may not be a choice. i think it goes both ways. some people may be predisposed to same-sex attraction; some people may like both and vacillate, or choose one and go with it; and some may not have a choice no matter how much they desire it.
as a church member, i felt pretty comfortable rationalizing the idea of a gay gene with god's plan. i believed that god laid down our genetic code at the start but kept his hands off after that, as he has with so many other things. we may have started out perfectly, but through various choices and environmental factors over the millenia, our genetic code became corrupted in many ways. i never viewed homosexuality any differently, in terms of god's plan, than i did anomalies like anencephaly, down's, lou gehrig's disease, cancer, etc. that made perfect sense to me, especially in relation to the idea that the gay gene is a mutation. to me, i never asked whether god would "allow" somebody to be born gay, going against his plan, than i would have asked why god would "allow" somebody to be born with down's syndrome, which also basically goes against his plan (as far as that person never marrying or having a family). to me they were no different. but that was just me.
above and beyond all of those considerations was the belief that it was not for me to decide whether what someone else was doing was a sin or not. i think it shows remarkable maturity that you are willing to consider the homosexual issue in a different context.
(see: nothing hateful. :)
I just remember a conference talk about this last year by Dallin H. Oaks so I looked it up:
http://www.lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-646-2,00.html
About halfway down the page he starts talking about a man who struggled with same gender attraction and the man said, “I also worry that many people focus on the causes of [same-gender attraction]. . . . There is no need to determine why I have [this challenge]. I don't know if I was born with it, or if environmental factors contributed to it. The fact of the matter is that I have this struggle in my life and what I do with it from this point forward is what matters." I think the point here is that if he has a testimony and believes in the gospel he can choose to live its principles the best way he knows how, regardless of his “challenge,” or he can simply choose to succumb to his desires, but he can’t do both. I had a class with an LDS return missionary who was gay. He told me a little bit about his struggles and I felt sorry for him. It must’ve really torn him up inside because he said he really believed the church was true, but his attraction towards men was so strong. I can’t imagine what it must’ve been like for him. I don’t know what ever happened to him, but hopefully he sought out the Lord’s help, because like it said in Elder Oaks’ talk, Christ can alleviate our burdens and help us with our struggles if we sincerely seek out his help and try the very best we can to do his will. Just my 2 cents. :)
melissa, i think i remember that talk from last october. i like how it pointed out that the issue isn't whether or not someone is born gay, but that it's about what they do with their situation that matters. i don't doubt that your friend had some very difficult moments to deal with. you know, it's always been easy for me to assume that some things would be rather easy to get over, like to just "snap out of it" or whatever. but i know now that assumptions like that can get me into bad standing with others. other people's problems are real for them, even if they seem trivial to me. i'm sure some of the problems i face seem small to other people, but they are real for me. i guess i can't expect to know what anyone is going through unless i actually experience it firsthand. i've had some close family members ruin their lives and break up their families because of alcohol addiction, and i've been so bitter thinking "why can't you just stop drinking!?" but one family member of mine told me that i can't expect it to be that simple because i don't know what it's like to have an addiction. that's true, and i don't know what it's like to have same gender attraction either. i've just come to accept that i can't judge others unless i've been in their shoes.
chandelle, i appreciate your comment. i also think it's interesting how society defines gender and gender roles. but i don't think it's just society. according to "the proclamation," God has assigned roles and duties to both men and women. but for some people, like you said, gender isn't the issue. one of my very best friends in high school was very much into boys basically her whole life. now she lives with her girlfriend/partner. i asked her then if she considered herself a lesbian. she told me that she fell in love with her girlfriend because of the person she is and that she would've fallen in love with her if she had been a boy too. so for her, it isn't that she is attracted to male or female, but attracted to certain qualities, characteristics, and personalities. basically she'd love her partner regardless of her gender. i think that's interesting. which makes me wonder if being gay is based on just physical attraction only.
but anyway, in regards to the other thing you wrote, i've always felt that the reason God would "allow" people with downs syndrome or other diseases like that to be born is because, even though it can't be controlled, i don't feel that it would hinder their salvation. even though they might not have the chance to get married or have a family during mortality, i believe they would be given that chance after this life. i think those people are born for various reasons...maybe to teach their family about patience or tolerance, maybe to just receive a body, maybe for a number of other reasons. i've also heard that the reason people are born with those kinds handicaps is because it would keep them from being tempted by satan. meaning that in the pre-mortal life their spirit had advanced more than others or they were so righteous that they didn't need to be tested and tried, they just needed a body. i've heard that those people get an automatic ticket into the celestial kingdom. but that's a whole other conversation. i don't know if that's true or not, but the point i am trying to make is that being born with downs or another disease like that wouldn't affect their salvation. i believe God ordained marriage between a man and a woman and has given them the sacred power of procreation. that's why i think homosexuality goes against His plan. that's just how it makes sense to me according to my beliefs.
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