Last Wednesday I was talking to a friend who has a little boy a few months older than Vessel.
Since Mike and I had had some stressful nights just previous to the day we talked (due to Vessel's sleeping, or should I say non-sleeping habits), I brought this up to my friend and she was absolutely shocked that Vessel was still waking up in the night and couldn't go to sleep without being rocked in our arms. I ultimately had a pang of jealousy when she told me her son actually gets excited to go to bed, and sleeps 12 hours straight through, (8pm-8am.) I jokingly asked if she was sedating him, but she assured me there were no tranquilizers involved. She basically told me what everyone else has told me. They follow the same routine every night and he just goes to sleep on his own. He doesn't need to be rocked, held, or nursed to sleep. They put him in his bed, turn on a CD, he talks to himself a bit and drifts softly into dreamland.
Whenever I've tried to just put Vessel in his bed like that he screams his bloody head off until one of us goes to "rescue" him. I told my friend that Vessel had just developed some bad habits and I felt like it was too late to break them since the ideas of being rocked and nursed to sleep and being rescued when he makes the littlest peep have been ingrained in him since birth. But she said (as so many others have suggested as well) that I just need to be firm on the issue. It might be days, weeks, or even months of hell until Vessel adjusts to a new sleeping routine, but it would be worth it in the end. After not getting a good nights sleep for the last nine months, what do I have to lose?
I have no idea why Mike and I have never established a bedtime routine. I've heard and read over and over that babies thrive on schedules, repetitions, routines, and structure. But for whatever reason, that whole theory was thrown out the window. Vessel has never really had a schedule for eating or sleeping. I've just always fed him when he's been hungry, or rocked him when he was tired and fussy. I could always kind of predict when these times were, but they were never set in stone.
So after talking to my friend that night, I went home and told Mike we really needed to buckle down and get our kid sleeping through the night. I know that at his age he doesn't NEED to be eating in the middle of the night. I know that he doesn't NEED to be held in order to fall asleep. So, this is what we've done since last Wednesday: evening meal, bath, pajamas, brush teeth, bedtime story, turn on some music, turn on the disco ball (it casts colorful lights on the ceiling), kiss him good-night, put him in bed, put a blanket over him, and leave the room with the door shut behind us. And he did exactly what we expected. He cried. But instead of giving in too quickly, as we usually do, we let him cry a bit. And you know what? After no more than 20 minutes he was fast asleep. The next day we did the same thing. But this time, he only cried for 5 minutes. Then the next day, same routine, but this time he was asleep in less than a minute. I thought it would take forever to work, but he miraculously caught on.
And as far as waking up at 5 a.m.? Instead of going to get him immediately, we let him cry for about 10 minutes and he soothed himself back to sleep until about 7 a.m. Can you believe it? It was like a dream come true. Some of you might think I'm being harsh or whatever, but for those of you who value your sleep as much as I do can relate. I'd rather let my son cry a bit to teach him how to self-soothe and learn that night time is sleep time, than be up all hours of the night feeding or entertaining him, only to be totally exhausted the next day. And I can't really expect to be the best mom I can be when I'm functioning on such little sleep every night. Mike and I are proud of ourselves. We stayed unified in our decision, we didn't back down, we just set the routine and now it's like chaos has ceased at nights. It is wonderful.
Even with food all over his face, this kid is the most handsome thing I've ever seen.
I
decided to put bubbles in his bath a few days ago, just to mix things
up. He thought they were great, and apparently edible as well. 
6 comments:
i'm so glad you're finally getting good sleep. but what the heck is he eating in that picture? :)
he was eating mashed up vegetables and a baby biscuit i think.
Hi. I'm one of Michelle's friends and I found your blog on hers. My son Clark is about Vessel's age, 10 months, and we had MAJOR sleeping issues until we got tough about 3 weeks ago. Keep it up. I've also done a lot of reading on the subject and asked our pediatrician which books he recommends...He likes Dr. Ferber's method. Google his name...it's interesting reading. We're also fans of early bedtimes and regular naps (which took about 10 months to form into a pattern, but now it's 9am and 1 pm like clockwork.) so he never gets overtired. Life is sooooo much better for well rested mommys! Well, take care and know you are not alone! How's that for a bunch of unsolicited advice!
We went through the same thing with Anson. Wow! Vessel learned fast! It took Anson a while and it was super hard on me, but he sleeps like a dream now. Very nice!
Well it’s good to meet another mommy with similar experiences! I don’t mind the advice at all. I’ve been doing a bit of research myself and I’ve come to realize that there is criticism and controversy surrounding just about every approach out there, whether it’s from McKenna (co-sleeping), Ezzo (“On Becoming Baby Wise”), Weissbluth (sleep training), Sears, or Ferber. I think these doctors or “professionals” know a lot of information, but the truth of the matter is that WE know our children better than anyone else. Some of Ezzo and Ferber’s ideas I found to be too rigid, but some of their ideas I thought were really useful. Recently, I’ve tried to take the ideas that I like from a number of sources and modify them to fit all of our needs, meaning that it works for Vessel, my husband and me. Our needs matter too! What we were doing before was working for Vessel but it sure wasn’t working for us as parents. It’s got to work for everyone, and that’s the tricky part. There are so many ideas out there that it’s taken a while to find out what works and what doesn’t. Last week Vessel went to sleep just fine after we established a pre-bedtime routine. But he is still having a bit of trouble sleeping through the night. For the past 3 nights he has woken up at 4:30 on the mark for no apparent reason and can’t go back to sleep. So, I am still kind of experimenting with other ideas and methods. I guess I also have to take into account that maybe he’s getting more teeth, or having a growth spurt or some other unseen thing. Things have gotten better, but not completely flawless. Maybe someday in the near future we’ll have what I consider a “perfect” night.
Hey, I just saw that you found us! Any friend of Michelle's... So, I agree that some methods are really rigid, and we did the same thing you are doing...we tailored the programs to fit our family. I, for example, cannot let Clark cry for more than 5 minutes without going in to reassure him...whereas I have friends who don't let their kids cry at all, and those who let their kids cry forever with no checking. So, there's a whole huge spectrum. But you are right, the important thing is that everyone gets a good night's sleep so that everyone in the family can be happy campers! Well, thanks for letting me chat...Vessel is dang cute. Good luck!
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