Day 24

Day 24-A letter to your parents


Dear Mom,
It's been awhile since I've talked to you. 5 years, actually. Your birthday was this month. You would've been 48. Wow, so young. I still don't understand the timing of everything. Maybe one day I will. I've been thinking about you more. Mostly when I think of you, I just think of all my regrets. I wish I would've been better, especially during my teen years. I wish I would've spent more time with you. I wish I would've gotten to know you better before you died. There seem to be a million questions I want to ask you now. I wish I would've taken the time to ask them while you were alive. I wish the kids could know you. I wish they could have their Grandma Laura in their lives. I'm sure you're apart of their lives in some way. I just don't know how or really understand it. I wish I could just call you up and chat. I know Steph misses you a lot too. I hope you watch over her. She needs to know you are there, in some form or another.
You know what else I feel sometimes? Anger. But, anger is not a good thing. I know I need to get over that. But I can't help but feel angry sometimes. Angry that you left so abruptly. Angry that there are things I never had the chance to say. Angry because I didn't understand you better. Maybe you didn't open up to me very much for a reason. I will never know. But you were a good mom to us. You did the best that you knew how to do. If anyone ever asks, I will always tell them that.
Well, just wanted to let you know that I miss you. And...that I'm sorry for a lot of things. Hopefully you will forgive me someday, if you already haven't. I'm looking forward to the chance of seeing you again.

Love,
Jamie