Books

The Lovely Bones
by Alice Sebold

After reading The Effects of Light, I looked up some reviews for it online to find out what others had thought of it. It was in one of those reviews that The Lovely Bones was recommended. I started reading passages online and before I knew it, I got wrapped up in the story. So the next day I went to the local library to check out a copy.

The Lovely Bones tells of the murder of the narrator, 14 year old Susie Salmon. Up in her heaven she watches her family, classmates, and even her killer as they go about their lives. She sees how her death has affected them. She observes the heartache and the struggle each member of her family experiences. She spies on Ruth, the awkward girl she accidentally brushed up against as her spirit left Earth. She also keeps an eye on Ray, the boy whom she liked. The boy she had the chance of kissing just once before her life was taken away. Susie takes the reader through the years before and after her death. What life was like before she was brutally killed, and how her small town copes with the loss after she's gone. I thought the author did a good job with this book. She spends time developing each character in a way that the reader easily becomes attached to them. The author's writing style is a bit different than most books I've read. She has a way of describing things unlike I would or even other authors would. While most of the language was very visual and beautiful, sometimes I'd read a line and laugh out loud because it sounded so cheesy. But those times were few and far between. I've got to admit though, I was impressed with the way the author approached the whole murder/rape of the main character. Yes, it was a bit uncomfortable to read about, but the whole incident was very point-blank. The author didn't go into gory detail or linger over it. The book didn't carry a lasting negative feeling. I thought the book was actually somewhat uplifting, insightful and entertaining. It was an easy book to get through and digest. Most importantly it kept my attention. I wouldn't recommend this book to "sensitive" readers, however.

Books

The Effects of Light
by Miranda Beverly-Whittemore

So I've finished a few books recently. One of which is the book you see pictured here. I was perusing the shelves at the Dollar Store and saw this novel sitting there just begging me to buy it. I liked the cover so I did. For only a dollar I suppose it wasn't that bad. Since I'm too lazy to type up my own synopsis, I'm going to take a review from this broad on Bookreporter.com.

For more than a decade, Myla Rose Wolfe has been living under an assumed name. As Kate Scott, a medieval literature professor at a small, secluded East Coast college, she is free of the scandal associated with her family. But when she receives a package from a lawyer who's acting on behalf of an anonymous client, she realizes that no matter how far she runs, or how many details she fabricates about her life, she can't outrun her past. She heads home to Portland, Oregon, to relive the event that changed her family forever --- and to once again become Myla Wolfe.

In the first few pages of the book readers learn that Myla's father and 13-year-old sister, Pru, died within months of one another thirteen years ago, sending Myla into a tailspin of grief. The question of how they died is part of what fuels the narrative, and Beverly-Whittemore keeps the suspense heightened by parsing out details about what happened.

As children, Myla and Pru posed for family friend and photographer Ruth Handel. The photos --- taken over a period of ten years and some of which depict the young girls naked --- generated a national controversy about exploitation versus art. Myla and Pru's father, a brilliant, widowed college professor, was determined to instill in his daughters a sense of independence, and he allowed them to choose whether or not they wanted to be in Ruth's photographs. To the surprise of Myla and Pru, who enjoyed posing for the photographs and the sense of artistic accomplishment it gave them, the photos were viewed by some as child pornography.

So, I have to disagree with the reviewer Shannon on a few things. Sure it seemed all suspenseful and stuff at first, but the end of the book was kind of a let down. I expected something bigger with all the "heightened suspense." It basically led to nothing and I was even a little bit bored at times. At the end of the review Shannon also said the book was "enlightening." Uh, no, not so much enlightening. I mean, the book didn't change my life or anything. It was kind of like a show you'd watch on Lifetime. Although, I have to admit the author did use some stunning visual language at times. Several of the paragraphs were very well written and in some cases, the wording she chose was beautiful and simply perfect and poetic. If it wasn't for those times, I wouldn't have finished the book.

Books

The Secret

by Rhonda Byrne



So, I'm one of those people that totally missed the huge explosion of "The Secret" when it came out on DVD and then later on hardback. I never saw the show Oprah had dedicated to it or any of that stuff. One day I was talking to a friend and I told her I made lists of things that I wanted so I wouldn't forget. She said something to the affect that it was a really good idea because that way I could make things come to me. I didn't really understand and then she let me borrow her book "The Secret."

Basically the book explains the law of attraction. The law of attraction is just one of the many laws in the universe. If you think hard enough about something, it will happen. According to the book, our thoughts are very powerful. We can think things into existence. We are in control of our own destinies. Negative thoughts bring negative things. Like attracts like. If you think about what you want long and hard enough, the universe says "Your wish is my command" and gives it to you. The book claims to know the secret to money, relationships, health, the world, yourself and life.

I've got to admit that after reading the book I began to question every single thing I've ever believed in. For instance, is God acutally the universe? Nah, after a lot of thinking I decided the book was a bunch of hokey nonsense. And after reading some other reviews I realized I wasn' t the only one who felt that way. I agree a lot with this person and surprisingly even a lot with this person. And this guy totally doesn't believe in "The Secret" and he gets what he wants out of life apparently. (LOL)

So I don't believe the universe will give me a million dollars or make me thinner or prettier or whatever. That part I think is all kind of stupid and whimsical. I don't believe you can just think things into existance or get what you want out of life without even working for it. But one thing I did take from this book is that having a positive attitude is important. It might not get you everything you want in life but thinking positive thoughts can have a huge impact on your day to day life. One particular quote from the book I liked was by Lisa Nichols. She says, "People have a tendency to look at the things that they want and say, 'Yes, I like that, I want that.' However, they look at the things that they don’t want and they give them just as much energy, if not more, with the idea that they can stamp it out, they can eliminate it, obliterate it. In our society, we’ve become content with fighting against things. Fighting against cancer, fighting against poverty, fighting against war, fighting against drugs, fighting against terrorism, fighting against violence. We tend to fight everything we don’t want, which actually creates more of a fight.” There were alot of good quotes in the book that made me look at life a little bit differently. Like trying not to focus so much on the bad things in life, and just thinking positive thoughts has really enhanced my life in a lot of ways. So the book wasn't a total waste, but for the most part I thought it lacked a lot of backing for it's claims. If anyone else has seen the DVD or read the book, let me know what you think.

Books

Spooky ABC
by Eve Merriam & Lane Smith

While teaching in Japan I frequently went to the local library in our town in search of books to use for my lessons. While browsing through the English section I found Halloween ABC, the original title of this book when it was first printed. I fell in love with it immediately. I enjoy kids' books, especially those that are a little peculiar or eccentric with awesome artwork. And it's for those reasons I had to order it and add it to my collection of children's literature. However, according to some parents' reviews of this book, you might think twice before reading this book to a young child prior to bedtime. As a kid, I was intrigued by anything spooky, (and still am to this day) so reading books like this as a child wasn't disturbing to me. However some children might be more sensitive to the pictures and rhymes. That said, I believe this is actually a charmingly wonderful book for all ages with it's catchy poetry and curious images.

Books

Good-Bye, Chunky Rice
By Craig Thompson

I saw this book on display at the library about 2 months ago. I checked it out only because I had recently read Blankets by Craig Thompson and was curious about some of his other work. I was skeptical of this book at first, but surprisingly I enjoyed it from start to finish. Chunky Rice is a sweet little turtle who ventures out on the great wide ocean to find out where he truly belongs. But doing so requires that he leave behind his owner Solomon, and his beloved mouse deer friend Dandel. Call me simple-minded, but I thought this book was quite humorous. Solomon's hick way of speaking, Merle's "doot doot"-ing, Ruth and Livonia's arguments, Chuck's insensitivities, and Chunky and Dandel's love of Motown....it's all so funny to me. But at the same time, the drawings and dialogue are touching and honest. It's just a fun book to read and I'd recommend it to anyone who loves comics or isn't looking for something too serious or lengthy.

Books

Difficult Conversations
by Stone, Patton, and Heen

Everyone has their own way of dealing with difficult conversations. It seems that I’ve used the same methods for coping with uncomfortable and complex discussions my whole life. Sometimes my methods work, but usually I feel like there’s not a whole lot of progress being made. I’ve had some pretty intense conversations in the recent past, and I can’t help but think “Where was this book when I needed it!” This book has seriously changed my view on the way I handle hard-to-talk-about issues with loved ones, friends, neighbors, employers, and everyone in-between. There are many factors involved when it comes to how people react to certain events. We’re not all the same and we each have different experiences that contribute to the way we view things. Often times during a heated debate I can’t help but think “I’m right and that’s the end of it” or “I know exactly why they did that.” This book was a wake up call to me and made me realize that I can’t assume to know other’s intentions. My way of thinking is so habitual and so deep-rooted that it has been easy to forget such a simple thing as “don’t assume to know everybody’s intentions.” It was nice to be reminded of that, even though I already knew it deep down. The book also helped me to consider the fact that there is truth to both sides of the story. It suggested ways to explore each other’s stories and try to understand where the other person is coming from, which is something I really need to work on. According to the book, all difficult conversations share a common structure. The book addressed three conversations: the “What happened,” “Feelings,” and the “Identity” conversation. The book gave wonderful examples of how to work through each tricky conversation. One thing that I discovered is that I can embrace the other person’s story and understand them without agreeing with them. I also learned how to avoid blame and I have since been consciously making an effort to recognize my contribution to specific problems when they arise. Difficult Conversations taught several ways to break negative habits that surface when it comes to dealing with complicated topics. It mentioned ways to be a better listener by asking questions, paraphrasing, encouraging the other person to express their feelings, and acknowledging those feelings. It also gave insight on using the “And Stance” and reframing to “translate” words into ideas that are more helpful. But one thing I really liked is that the authors of the book acknowledged the difficulty of mastering some of these skills. It actually takes a lot of patience and practice and I feel like the authors didn’t expect the reader to become an expert overnight.The book was well written and easy to read and understand. I also genuinely feel like it offered valuable concepts for dealing with many of life’s conflicts. So far I have tried out a few of the book’s suggestions and they have truly made a difference in the outcome of my conversations. It’s great to have all these helpful hints from the book, but it would be nice if the people I regularly talk to were also aware of these tactics, and that’s why I would recommend this book to everyone I know. At this point I have urged a couple of my friends, including my husband, to read it. Overall, I’m glad that this book was required for my mediation class, otherwise I probably would have never read it, let alone known it existed.

Books

Blankets by Craig Thompson

I had seen reviews for this book in an old edition of SPIN and people were raving about it. So I thought about checking it out for myself. Last week a package came in the mail in Mike's name. I figured it was a textbook for school, but he had gotten this book for me as a surprise! I couldn't find it at Barnes & Noble (it was either misplaced or sold out) and the library didn't have a copy. I wasn't sure if I wanted to spend 30 bucks on something I couldn't see firsthand, but before I even had a chance to look at it, my sweet husband already purchased it (secondhand, luckily!)

I wouldn't call myself a comic book junkie or anything. I have a few comics and I don't mind reading them. But anything with lots of artwork and illustrations usually wins me over. This graphic novel is a whopping 582 pages, but it only took me a couple of days to get through it (reading on and off, and really taking in the artwork.) The book is based on the author's personal experiences ranging from childhood to adulthood. Mostly the book focuses on his adolescence with flashbacks of childhood memories. The subject matter is all about Craig's upbringing in a strict Christian home. Throughout the pages you get to see how he tosses Christian ideas and beliefs around in his head (heaven, God, the Bible, etc.) and tries to figure things out for himself. The book follows him through experiences of first "love" and heartache of knowing it's not going to last. Basically, the story isn't anything that hasn't been done before, but it was still a good read. I don't know what it was, but I felt like crying after I finished the last page. I think I must've just been really emotional or something. I think I was just sad to see the changes take place in Craig's life. And I had different expectations for him and Raina (his girlfriend) and different expectations for his religious pursuits. The title "Blankets" seems fitting as he reminisces about sharing a bed with his brother, the blanket that Raina makes him, the blanket of religion, the blanket covering his youthful eyes, etc. etc. Overall I thought the book was okay. Not spectacular, but worth reading. The only problem I had was regarding some of the language and a few inappropriate sketches. I'm not a big fan of those things, so I give it just an "OK." But it seemed to be a true and sincere representation of the author's life, so I can't really expect him to convey it any differently than he did. A good book if you're into comics or graphic novels. To read parts of Craig's book, click here. Or go to amazon.com to see some pages as well.

Book Review--For Those of Us Who Struggle with the Past

     For a long time I’ve struggled with the idea of forgiveness and I believe for many years it was this way because my definition of forgiveness was so distorted. Growing up I was taught to “forgive and forget,” and this seemed so impossible to me. Although I tried hard to forgive, I could not forget past wrongdoings or betrayal. I held on like the last leaf that holds to the barren branch of winter. I could not let go. I would not let go. And then I read 2 books that helped me.

       
     The first book is Forgive for Good by Fred Luskin. This book put things into perspective and addressed my misconceptions of forgiveness. It made me realize that forgiving is not forgetting. It made me understand that forgiveness does not have to mean reconciliation. Forgiveness is not for the offender, but instead, it’s for the offended. It is a means to find peace within ourselves when the anger and hurt of the past has tattered our souls. I really liked this book because it was very easy to understand. The simplicity of Dr. Luskin’s words and methods were a key component for me because I can’t stand to read a bunch of medical jargon that doctors or psychologists sometimes add in the pages of their works. Although he uses examples and analogies (which I liked,) Luskin gets right to the point. I know that I can have unrealistic expectations of others. Luskin talks in depth about unenforceable rules and how to stop setting rules for other people. I think it’s fair to say that most people want to control everything that happens in their lives, and when things do not go the way they expect, it makes them angry, myself included. I love how Luskin highlights the fact that we can't control how other people act, but we can control how we react to them. I can’t force others to love me, to treat me fairly, or to never hurt or lie to me. I can't force others to give me time, affection or attention. But I can give to others those things. That realization really gave me a sense of empowerment.

 

     The second book I would recommend is Forgiveness is a Choice by Dr. Robert Enright. He suggests similar, yet different, methods of coping with anger. He also discusses a number of problems associated with harboring anger. He says that “anger affects our bodies,” distressing our adrenal levels, heart rate, blood pressure, digestive functions, and so on. The anger, if kept inside, eats away at the body and mind like a disease. There have been times that I have been so upset or emotionally hurt that I have physically made myself sick. A lot of those physical ailments other people can’t see just by looking. But when we have pent up anger it shows in our countenance. Just like when we are happy we sometimes have a jump in our step, we might smile, or we are kinder to people without even realizing it. When we harbor anger, (whether recent or lodged deep in the back of our minds) it shows on our outward appearance. We don’t smile, we might slouch, and we might just put out a “vibe” that says we’re not happy. People are extremely intuitive and can tell when something is bothering someone without them verbally making it known. There have been times in my own life when things weren’t going so well, and it was amazing to hear people comment on how I looked different (even though I wasn’t trying to look upset.) The same goes for when things were going really great in my life. People would say “you are just glowing.” I assume emotions have a way of leaking out into the way we carry ourselves and act, even when we try to suppress them. Many actions are subconscious of the thoughts going on in our minds. Unless we are really good at acting, harboring anger will show itself on the outside one way or another.

 

     Hopefully I’m not giving the wrong impression. These books are not about suppressing anger, they are about controlling anger. Enright states, “Anger, like other emotions, must be controlled. Suppressing legitimate anger is unhealthy. Continually venting anger is also unhealthy.” We need to find the balance in ourselves.

      
     So there are 2 options. Forgiving and moving forward with life is one. The less than healthy alternative is staying angry, bitter, unforgiving and completely miserable with life. I’ve come to find out that this alternative doesn’t help me or anyone else around me. I’m really learning that we aren’t forced to feel the way we do. We can take our circumstances and make the most of them. I believe people are not given anything in life that they are incapable of handling. It’s just that some people choose to handle their severe circumstances in remarkable ways.

      
     When my mom died unexpectedly, it was an enormous wake-up call for my family. Some realized that life is too short and decided to start living life with more meaning and purpose. Others in my family still have anger issues and resentment. Nobody knows exactly why some things happen to them, but I’m a firm believer that certain things happen to specific people for a reason. I should count my blessings and realize there’s option 1 which is to forgive, progress, and make the best out of bad situations or option 2 which is to remain stuck in the past continually reliving anger from minor grudges for the rest of my life. And I’m sure some of you might say that you don’t hold a grudge. Well, I thought that too, but I was wrong, or in denial. These books opened up my eyes and I’m glad I read them.

 

     One thing I thought that was really interesting was how Enright emphasized the importance of teaching forgiveness at a young age. I agree with this because if we can instill proper forgiveness principles in young people they will be able to apply the methods by the time they hit their teenage years. Now that I have a child, I want to set the best example I possibly can and foster love and affection at a young age so that as Vessel and my other children grow into adolescence they will be able to offer love and forgiveness freely instead of out of obligation. For instance, I have been around parents who teach their children it’s a must to ask for forgiveness or to apologize for doing something wrong. My sweet one year old was pushed over by an older play mate once and the mom of the bully told her child “Say you’re sorry or I’ll take that toy away!” (or lose some other privilege.) Even at this age that mom is teaching that there has to be an incentive for apologizing (not because it would be the right thing to do) and my son, although still very young, is seeing that forgiving must involve an apology. It’s easy for kids to grow up thinking that way and when they become teenagers it is already a learned thing to expect an apology or reconciliation to take place or to forgive because “that’s just what you do” or “because I said so and I’m the parent.”

 

     It’s always been hard for me to want to forgive others, especially if they weren’t apologetic. I want them to acknowledge the hurt they caused and feel sorry for it. But now I’m starting to see from reading these books that forgiveness doesn’t have to follow an apology. Forgiveness of someone doesn’t even have to be known to the other individual. Forgiveness is merely a tool that fixes the hearts of those who hurt. So I am trying hard to focus more of my attention on fixing myself, regardless of what the other person may or may not feel.

 

     There is another author, McKay, whose work I’ve been reading that has helped me lately as well. He says that “anger destroys relationships…The tissue of a relationship gets thickened and scarred. And finally you both become insensitive to pain and pleasure.” He also states that letting it out doesn’t get you what you want. “What you want is to be listened to, appreciated, cared for. Anger gets you coldness, withdrawal, and anger in return. Letting it out feels good. But it's like smoking crack: a five-minute high, followed by depression, pain, and emotional bankruptcy.

     This statement seems very true as I’ve experienced both ends of the stick. I’ve “exploded” on people before, basically letting out all my anger and frustration and it usually gets me nothing good in return. When others let out anger on me I become distant and cold towards them to protect myself. But keeping the anger in will only eat you up inside, so what do you do?

     I think you have to find a happy medium, as Enright suggests. You have to let the anger out somehow, but shouldn’t “explode” on other people. McKay suggests channeling your anger. Use the energy of feeling angry to do something positive like exercising, working in the garden, creating something, writing, playing music, etc. He also recommends listing the positive and negative consequences of getting angry or “letting it out” and at the end of the exercise you are supposed to ask yourself “Did anger get me what I wanted?” Enright talks about journal writing, which for me has been very therapeutic. I don’t share my journal with others, since it’s really for my benefit only. Channeling the anger through writing, art, or exercising has been a way for me to get the energy out without destroying a relationship (in most circumstances. I’m still working on it!)
It has been extremely difficult in past situations, but I am now carefully choosing what my mind will “rent space” to.  

     The forgiveness process isn’t easy, nor is it short and simple, but it is one of the most beneficial concepts I have ever learned. And these books have really contributed to my progress.
If you are curious about anger management and forgiveness techniques, or if you're curious to know what anger style you display check out this site.

To read pages from Luskin's book, click here.

Books

The Day The Babies Crawled Away by Peggy Rathmann

Whenever we go into Barnes & Noble I usually head straight for the children's section and spend the whole time sitting on the floor with numerous books around me. Besides the sheer simplicity, I think what I love most about children's books are the illustrations. This book has black silhouettes against beautifully colored skies that change as the day turns to night. I fell in love with this book the first time I read it and so Mike gave it to me our first Christmas as a married couple.

Here are a couple summaries/reviews: 

While the grown-ups are immersed in pie eating and other outdoor carnival festivities, their babies crawl away. The only one to observe this phenomenon is a toddler in a fireman's hat who follows them and saves them from such disasters as bat caves, cliff-hanging, and hunger, along the way shouting very responsible warnings and imprecations to "behave." When he brings them safely home, he is, of course, a hero. In the penultimate spread, it transpires that the tale is the boy's fantasy story retold by his loving mother just before he falls asleep. The babies and their adventures are rendered in stunning, sharply detailed, Pienkowski-like silhouette against a subtly changing backdrop that reflects the time of day. The boy's fireman's hat makes him easy to follow on each spread and also conveys his gallant status. This book has levels of complexity. Adults may be put off by the seeming parental neglect, but children will doubtless latch on to and enjoy the fact that the hero is a child, that none of the escapees seems in any real jeopardy, that the softly glowing pastel backgrounds lend a mood of unruffled calm, and that the story is, after all, fanciful. The verse doesn't always scan and occasionally does not rhyme, but oh those beguiling babies-they're irresistible!-Kate McClelland, Perrot Memorial Library, Old Greenwich, CT
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Is the book worth buying? Yes. The conceit is clever, the artwork is creative and lovely, and children with patience and imagination will find a bit more to see than they might find in a book with conventional art. Ilene Cooper
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