Sigh

Well, most of you know by now that we were supposed to move to Portland in September. It looks as though there has been a change in the plan. Short version is Mike can't take the CFA test until December and won't know whether or not he passes until January. Without the CFA under his belt, he can't officially get the promotion. We could still move to Portland, but without the pay increase that his promotion promises us, we will be living in a city with a higher price of living without having the added benefit of a higher income. So after another lengthy discussion with his boss, he and Mike decided to hold off on the move until February. That's right, people, FEBRUARY. Do you know what this means? This means I have to endure ANOTHER Great Falls winter.


Not only that, it just creates a lot more stress in my life. I am a planner. I plan things out to the last detail and when something goes awry it really puts a dent in my mood. I found this little apartment and decided it would work because I thought we were only going to be here through the summer. I wasn't planning on having my baby here, and now I'm wondering if this place is going to be big enough. And hey, we were looking forward to saying all our kids were born in different states. :) But let's talk the big stuff here. When I was packing our things I did it thinking we were only here for a few months. EVERYTHING is in storage. I didn't make plans for Vessel to go to any kind of school here in the Fall because I thought I'd do that in Oregon. I could go on and on. Everything is just kind of messed up for me now. I know it's only 4-5 months longer than we thought, but I was really looking forward to this move. I had made plans in my head and now I have to rearrange it all. I'm not mad at Mike or his boss or anything. I realize that life can't always go perfectly. I'll get over it. I'll have to make the most of the situation. Maybe it will even be a blessing in disguise. But right now I can't help feeling a bit agitated. *SIGH*

Warning: Don't read if you hate depressing drivel

This house is driving me crazy. Since I've been so tired and sick the last few [insert measurement of time here], I've neglected a lot of the housework. I just haven't had the energy to do much of anything. I am at the point where I just can't stand it anymore. And it seems so stuffy in here like I've been breathing the same stale air for weeks. I wish I could get a burst of energy and just get everything cleaned. Everything around me is in such disarray and that just makes my mind crazy!! I love things to be neat, orderly, and CLEAN. I need something fresh to liven me up. A change of scenery. Maybe I need to rearrange the furniture again, or add curtains, or put up new pictures on the wall. Something....
I feel so empty today. I hate days like this. I didn't leave the house at all. I didn't use the computer (until now.) I didn't talk to anybody on the phone other than Mike. I feel so detached and isolated. It was even somewhat nice today. The sun was out and it wasn't too cold. And yet, I just hid myself indoors all day. I had no connection with the outside world. *sigh* I feel like I'm losing myself and losing sight of the big picture right now. If only I wasn't so tired....
I've been thinking about my mom lately. I miss her. I miss my memories of her. I just want to talk to her so badly. This time of year seems to get more difficult. Thanksgiving will be here in a few weeks. We won't be spending it with family (or probably anyone else for that matter) this year. It's a sad feeling when you're all alone. Then Christmas will be close behind. Another sad and empty holiday when you can't share it with people you love.
On top of the already sad day, the washer broke AGAIN. Water EVERYWHERE. Such a pain to clean up. The carpet was SOAKED through all the way down the hall. Then I accidentally broke the light covering and glass got all over too. *double sigh* Looks like I'll be spending my day at the laundromat tomorrow.
I know I shouldn't complain. I should be grateful for my trials. And I have actually been very blessed. I just have to get out of this funk that I'm in.