This house is driving me crazy. Since I've been so tired and sick the last few [insert measurement of time here], I've neglected a lot of the housework. I just haven't had the energy to do much of anything. I am at the point where I just can't stand it anymore. And it seems so stuffy in here like I've been breathing the same stale air for weeks. I wish I could get a burst of energy and just get everything cleaned. Everything around me is in such disarray and that just makes my mind crazy!! I love things to be neat, orderly, and CLEAN. I need something fresh to liven me up. A change of scenery. Maybe I need to rearrange the furniture again, or add curtains, or put up new pictures on the wall. Something....
I feel so empty today. I hate days like this. I didn't leave the house at all. I didn't use the computer (until now.) I didn't talk to anybody on the phone other than Mike. I feel so detached and isolated. It was even somewhat nice today. The sun was out and it wasn't too cold. And yet, I just hid myself indoors all day. I had no connection with the outside world. *sigh* I feel like I'm losing myself and losing sight of the big picture right now. If only I wasn't so tired....
I've been thinking about my mom lately. I miss her. I miss my memories of her. I just want to talk to her so badly. This time of year seems to get more difficult. Thanksgiving will be here in a few weeks. We won't be spending it with family (or probably anyone else for that matter) this year. It's a sad feeling when you're all alone. Then Christmas will be close behind. Another sad and empty holiday when you can't share it with people you love.
On top of the already sad day, the washer broke AGAIN. Water EVERYWHERE. Such a pain to clean up. The carpet was SOAKED through all the way down the hall. Then I accidentally broke the light covering and glass got all over too. *double sigh* Looks like I'll be spending my day at the laundromat tomorrow.
I know I shouldn't complain. I should be grateful for my trials. And I have actually been very blessed. I just have to get out of this funk that I'm in.
3 comments:
I'm sorry...I don't know exactly how you feel but I've found myself in the same slump...life has been tough lately and I am emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually drained and have NO energy to clean my house either...and boy does it need to be cleaned (who wants to clean a snake house?)! It looks like a tornado came through and hit it. I'm sorry that the holidays are hard for you and lonely! I can't imagine how you must be feeling. But on a more positive note, I love your hair, your costumes were way cute, and it's nice to know I'm not all alone in this rut I'm in.
It takes time, you know, to move through a rut. I'm here though, as long as it takes.
I understand a bit about holidays being hard. I miss my daughter during these times more than anything.
I love yer face.
Jamie,
Sorry to hear you are down. It is hard to feel closed in and very nearly 'trapped' sometimes. I remember the feeling well. It nearly makes one crazy for sure. But chin up my dear. This too will pass away.
Maybe you can still talk to your mom... why don't you get a journal and use it just to write to her. Keep it private. Let it be your memories and thoughts and things you would ask her or tell her. It might help???
Love you my Jamie...
Gramma Rose
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