I'm really having a frustrating night and I've got so much going on in my brain I can't sleep. Plus I have clothes in the dryer still, so I can't go to bed until they're done anyway. I guess I better liven up this post with some randomosity. For starters, I might as well mention I'm wearing the ugliest shirt ever. It's a shirt Mike got during college and it's bright red and says something about U of U Finance on it. I basically took it over because it's ginormous. And since nothing else fits this pregnant body anymore, I like to wear it to bed or around the house. I recently spilled some bleach on it while doing the laundry, but that didn't stop me from keeping it. Mike thought I might finally get rid of it. He was pretty bummed to realize I wanted to hold on to it. Hey, desperate times, desperate measures. It's like one of the few t-shirts that actually covers me up. Mike doesn't hesitate to let me know how hideous he thinks the shirt is. Sexy? No. Comfortable? Yes. And at this point in my life, I'll go for comfort over hot. Pretty sad, right? I feel apathy setting in. I'm just getting so exhausted. Yes, pregnancy blah blah blah blah. You've heard it from me before. I hate it. I am so tired, so swollen, so fat, so hormonal, so achy, and all that other garbage. But mostly I am just mentally not with it. My brain feels like it's in a frying pan half the time. It's worse when I have a night like tonight. Blah.
Hey, you know what annoys me, even more than pregnancy? Waking up to find that my almost 5 year old son missed the mark when he got out of bed in the middle of the night to use toilet. It happens all the time, in fact. Is he too sleepy or unconscious to aim that thing? Perhaps. But mopping up the floor every morning is beginning to be a joke.
So I was thinking tonight.... Remember how being single was so easy? Nobody to account for. Nobody to answer to. Nobody to make decisions with and fight with over said decisions. Being able to do what I want when I want. Spending money how I want. No responsibility for anyone but myself. Oh, what am I saying? I must be more tired than I thought. Marriage is great, even though it's hard. Yes, it's hard. It's so freaking hard sometimes. But it's good. It's more good than bad. Right? You married people agree? Don't you? DON'T YOU?!?!?
So....I don't want to start a new day tomorrow. Blah. Same thing, different day. I'm being such a pessimist right now, geez. I need a good night sleep. Oh my heck, it's so hot in here. It always feels hot to me. I leave the window open at night and Mike freezes under the blankets while I can't seem to cool off. Must be that extra layer of fat. Oh, and the hormones. Did I mention how tired of pregnancy I am? And as tired as I am of it, I don't want to have this baby early. And here's why. First off, this week is packed. Appointments, appointments, errands, Trunk or Treat, ward Halloween party and chili cook-off (which I signed up for, for some reason), Vessel's birthday party, stake conference, stake conference (with Dallin H. Oaks!!!), Halloween.....Then next week Mike will be working LONG hours because of earnings season, and I don't want to have the baby when he won't be able to take any time off. Plus, I'd really like to have this baby on my due date. It would be the coolest birthday ever. So, I guess I'll just complain about being pregnant until it's over with. Then I can complain about how difficult life is with 3 children. :) Something for you to enjoy. Ha, I'm really in a bad mood right now. I think I should stop writing before I type more things I'll probably regret. Here's hoping for a better day when I wake up in the morning. Or I should say, get woken up by my crying 16 month old or my early rising 5 year old. One of those. :)
4 comments:
Oh Jamie, I wish so much that you lived close to me. I've been thinking the same thing about how easy it was before we had kids. We could sleep in and stay up late. We could go out anywhere we wanted to go without worrying about child care.
Of course the kids and husband are worth it. And also really really hard. The harder things are, the busier life gets, and sometimes it all just feels so out of control. It's hard not to be able to control it. Mostly, it makes me want to go back to bed in the morning.
This, too, shall pass. Everything does. After you have this baby, everything will go quickly again (and will also be really hard, but worth it!). Unfortunately, it won't until then because every day at the end of a pregnancy is actually three days long. Take heart, my friend. And vent away! It's your blog, and you can complain all you want!
Some people have a hard time actually waking up when they get up to use the bathroom at night. I peed in the closet once while wandering in my sleep, and I was about ten years old at the time. At least he made it into the proper room, right?
Yes, I agree with you that marriage is hard sometimes but DEFINITELY worth it. Being pregnant is hard physically and emotionally and everything else. And I would hate that too if I woke up to pee on the floor every morning! I get so mad when Seth misses too!
AH! I wish I lived closer...since I get to be HUGE during pregnancy, I have some clothes that may fit you!
But thank you for your awesome post, so random...yet, SO familiar!
Good luck and I'm thinking about you!
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