Motherhood

Yesterday I took little man Jacob to his 1 year check up. Always a fun time, right? His weight and height has averaged out, but I guess he's got a big noggin' according to the stats. But I love that kid's melon. He's a cutie. Anyway, if you're a parent who immunizes your kids, you know that the 1 year check up is a shot day. I absolutely hate watching my kids get shots. The weirdest thing though is that Vessel really wanted to get a shot yesterday. He kept saying, "I feel sick, I think I need a shot." Uh, really? You feel that left out that you want to get a shot like your brother? Crazy kid. Anyhoo, like I was saying, holding your child while the nurse pricks them with that needle is kind of heart wrenching. The tears only last for a few seconds, but still, there is just something that makes a mother's heart ache to see her child in pain, even if it's necessary pain. So after all the poking and prodding I had to take little man to the lab to get a gluten allergy test (long story...) And this was a toughie for me. The nurse put a little tourniquet on his tiny arm and he looked at me like he knew something bad was about to happen. His lower lip started to quiver and his eyes started to well up. Another nurse had to hold his arm down while the 1st nurse stuck the needle in. She couldn't find the vein right off, so she jiggled it around for a few seconds. Jake was belting out the most desperate cry as if he was pleading for me to make them stop. I was crying too. I mean, I want to be strong for my kids, but man I couldn't stop the tears from coming. So I just held him tight and we cried together. 2 viles of blood later and we were done. Motherhood does that to me. It probably does that to all of us. It doesn't matter if we give birth to them or adopt them. When our kids hurt, we hurt. The womb has no say in this. I also realized yesterday that when my kids are in trouble I can pretty much do things I didn't think I could do. While Jacob was napping, Vessel and I were at the table eating sandwiches for lunch. I looked over and realized that Vessel was choking. My instincts kicked in and I bolted from my chair, grabbed him and was about to perform the Heimlich maneuver on him (only, I don't know how to do the Heimlich.) Before I did anything to him he was able to get the food dislodged on his own and he spit it out. I breathed a sigh of relief. If it had been worse and I had to get it out I'm sure I'd find a way. Adrenaline is a crazy thing. We finished our lunch and then I put Vessel down for a nap too. While I was cleaning up the kitchen I just kept thinking about how scary the situation was. I can't imagine what I would do without my kids.
Motherhood changes a woman. I have found myself more than once jumping to my kid's defense whether he was being compared to another kid by his/her mother or getting picked on at the park. I can become a monster! You mess with my kid and you basically just signed up to be on my crap list for the rest of your life. I love my kids fiercely and it's something I didn't or couldn't understand until they entered my life. I remember my mom saying, "Just wait 'til you have children of your own." "Yeah, yeah, Mom, whatever" was probably my response. But now I get it. Motherhood is hard sometimes. Kids can grate on your nerves, especially when they fight or whine or disobey or draw on the couch or turn an important paper into an airplane. Pregnancy ain't no cake walk either, when you're in the throes of exhaustion, sickness, pain, grumpiness, and riding that wonderful roller coaster of hormones. But I wouldn't trade my kids for anything. I'm sure there will be plenty of times in the future when I will cry with them or for them. Times when "Mother Bear" will appear because some mouthy child calls my child a name. Times when one of the kids will be in danger and I'll have to do whatever is within my power to protect them. Being a parent is such an overwhelming and intense experience. But I'm happy I joined the ranks.