I have been listening to a lot of Neko these days. Such a beautiful voice and such beautiful lyrics. It's hard not to fall in love with her music. I've been playing this particular song over and over. Maybe because this is how I've been feeling lately. So tired, cold, numb, old, wishing I was the moon, far far away from here.....
I Wish I Was the Moon
by Neko Case
Chimney falls as lovers blaze
Thought that I was young
Now I've freezing hands and bloodless veins
As numb as I've become
I'm so tired
I wish I was the moon tonight
Last night I dreamt I'd forgotten my name
'Cause I sold my soul but I woke just the same
I'm so lonely
I wish I was the moon tonight
God blessed me, I'm a free [woman]
With no place free to go
Paralyzed and collared-tight
No pills for what I fear
This is crazy
I wish I was the moon tonight
Chimney falls as lovers blaze
Thought that I was young
Now I've freezing hands and bloodless veins
As numb as I've become
I'm so tired,
I wish I was the moon tonight
How will you know if you found me at last
'Cause I'll be the one, be the one, be the one
With my heart in my lap
I'm so tired, I'm so tired
I wish I was the moon tonight
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Warning: Don't read if you hate depressing drivel
This house is driving me crazy. Since I've been so tired and sick the last few [insert measurement of time here], I've neglected a lot of the housework. I just haven't had the energy to do much of anything. I am at the point where I just can't stand it anymore. And it seems so stuffy in here like I've been breathing the same stale air for weeks. I wish I could get a burst of energy and just get everything cleaned. Everything around me is in such disarray and that just makes my mind crazy!! I love things to be neat, orderly, and CLEAN. I need something fresh to liven me up. A change of scenery. Maybe I need to rearrange the furniture again, or add curtains, or put up new pictures on the wall. Something....
I feel so empty today. I hate days like this. I didn't leave the house at all. I didn't use the computer (until now.) I didn't talk to anybody on the phone other than Mike. I feel so detached and isolated. It was even somewhat nice today. The sun was out and it wasn't too cold. And yet, I just hid myself indoors all day. I had no connection with the outside world. *sigh* I feel like I'm losing myself and losing sight of the big picture right now. If only I wasn't so tired....
I've been thinking about my mom lately. I miss her. I miss my memories of her. I just want to talk to her so badly. This time of year seems to get more difficult. Thanksgiving will be here in a few weeks. We won't be spending it with family (or probably anyone else for that matter) this year. It's a sad feeling when you're all alone. Then Christmas will be close behind. Another sad and empty holiday when you can't share it with people you love.
On top of the already sad day, the washer broke AGAIN. Water EVERYWHERE. Such a pain to clean up. The carpet was SOAKED through all the way down the hall. Then I accidentally broke the light covering and glass got all over too. *double sigh* Looks like I'll be spending my day at the laundromat tomorrow.
I know I shouldn't complain. I should be grateful for my trials. And I have actually been very blessed. I just have to get out of this funk that I'm in.
I feel so empty today. I hate days like this. I didn't leave the house at all. I didn't use the computer (until now.) I didn't talk to anybody on the phone other than Mike. I feel so detached and isolated. It was even somewhat nice today. The sun was out and it wasn't too cold. And yet, I just hid myself indoors all day. I had no connection with the outside world. *sigh* I feel like I'm losing myself and losing sight of the big picture right now. If only I wasn't so tired....
I've been thinking about my mom lately. I miss her. I miss my memories of her. I just want to talk to her so badly. This time of year seems to get more difficult. Thanksgiving will be here in a few weeks. We won't be spending it with family (or probably anyone else for that matter) this year. It's a sad feeling when you're all alone. Then Christmas will be close behind. Another sad and empty holiday when you can't share it with people you love.
On top of the already sad day, the washer broke AGAIN. Water EVERYWHERE. Such a pain to clean up. The carpet was SOAKED through all the way down the hall. Then I accidentally broke the light covering and glass got all over too. *double sigh* Looks like I'll be spending my day at the laundromat tomorrow.
I know I shouldn't complain. I should be grateful for my trials. And I have actually been very blessed. I just have to get out of this funk that I'm in.
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