I have kind of neglected the blogosphere for awhile. Obviously if you look at my archives, I don't write as much as I used to. And I haven't been keeping up on friends' blogs the way I did in the past. I feel bad for that. I don't know what's the cause of this. A valid reason could be that I am busier lately. But another part is that I have just been...I don't even know the word. Sometimes it's hard to blog. I don't feel like I can say what I really want to say. I feel like if I did, people would judge me. I feel like if I write about happy stuff people just think that I'm bragging. Perhaps nobody even reads this blog anymore, anyway.
I don't know, life is just complex right now. Everyday my mind seems to be churning a million miles a second. But my body is so tired. I have no energy left by mid-day. Sometimes I feel like I have nothing to give, and it's so frustrating. Lacking the energy or the motivation creates a dilemma in my life. I get anxious about stuff like I have butterfly wings flapping around in my gut, and other times I'm ecstatic. The ebb and flow of my world. Sometimes it's like I'm in a dreamland. Lately all I think about is the past and how much I miss certain idyllic things in my life. So consumed at times, that I lose focus of the present and the future. Other times the hurt of the past creeps up to haunt me and I fear that I will never be able to escape the pain of particular events. Some things trigger this ache in my heart more than others and it doesn't go away for awhile. This is what it's like to be alive. To experience all the good and bad and pain and joy. All of it intertwines to form this big complex ball of weirdness. It's good though. I'll take it. I just wish I could explain it better.
10 comments:
I think you do a great job of explaining it. You should feel free to talk about whatever you want to talk about. It is nice to get a small glimpse of your life now that you live so far away.
I find it hard to blog at times too...and to comment on other peoples' blogs. It ebbs and flows...
If you don't feel lik eyou coan write down things, then start another blog that is private that you CAN!
I think just like we all go through the ebb and flow of life, all bloggers go through the ebb and flow of blogging. I am in the same boat.
I think I know of the feeling your are talking about, albeit I have no clue how to describe it either.
Just hand in there Rock Star.
Hey, I read your blog! It's my way to connect since you moved so freaking far away!
I know the feelings you are talking about. I think we all have them, its part of life. We'd sure get tired if we were all on a high all the time wouldn't we? As for being judged - naw, who would judge you? you are awesome!
anyhow, keep it up - when it works for you and know that others out here really care about you and your life and thoughts.
Jamie, I love the way you have with words. You just described my life to a T. And just think, you don't even have hormones playing hide and seek with you right now like I do! You're SO NORMAL you squeek! I love you to pieces :)
Jamie - I check your blog a couple of times a week and I am amazed at how much insight you give others into yourself. I really appreciate it and look forward to new entries. Notice I don't have a blog? I guess I just can't commit the emotion to it and time right now but sure appreciate those who do.
Jamie, I love your blog b/c it's real, it's genuine. I wish I could write more from the realness...but I feel the exact same as you- I will be judged. Anyway, your blog is refreshing. Keep writing!
I think it's hard to blog sometimes too! I find myself deleting things that I just need to get out for fear of what everyone else might be thinking...it's sad really where it shouldn't matter! I love reading your blog though! You keep it real! Life is not always a bowl of cherries you know what I mean and it's nice to know that I'm not the only one that may be having a hard day for whatever reason but also to see and hear about your blessings too! Keep writing!!
James,
You are the best neice. I am glad you are part of my family. Love reading your blog and hope you know how much I and uncle d. love you. Aunty Kim
Obviously, I haven't been reading my friends' blogs lately either. You posted this over half a month ago, and I'm just now reading it. I wish we lived closer to each other. We could eat ice cream together.
Post a Comment