Vessel Boy

Today (the 28th) is Vessel's 11 month birthday! I can't believe he's almost a year old!

On The Brain Tonight

     I’ve been really delving in some controversial ideas lately. I guess it all started with Oprah. Last week while I was nursing Vessel I began flipping through the channels and saw that she was doing a show on intersexed individuals. (intersexed being the preferred term over hermaphrodite.) Those who appeared on the show were born with both male and female genitals and when they were born their parents were encouraged to assign a gender to their child and the doctors performed the required surgery depending on the situation. One individual’s parents didn’t allow the doctor to perform surgery at all and the child grew up basically between genders. Those on the show faced some real issues later in life, especially when they hit adolescence. The majority of the guests felt like their parents had made the wrong decision, and they were actually a boy living in a girl’s body, or vice-versa. It was a really interesting show. 

     And then today, I was flipping through the channels again and Oprah was doing a show on transgender individuals, or people who are born with normal functioning male or female bodies but feel like they are the opposite gender inside. One guest, a boy who was born a girl, said he knew he was a boy at the age of 6. Anyway, it got me thinking a lot about what Mike and I would do if any of our children had these kinds of feelings or if any of our future children are born with parts belonging to both male and female. We agreed that we probably wouldn’t do anything unless an operation was necessary (like if they couldn’t excrete waste or something like that.) I would feel pretty bad if we said “make our child a girl” and raised the baby as a girl, only to find out later that “she” was spiritually a boy. At least for me, I think I would wait until the child was old enough to know what he or she felt like, and if the decision came up to have surgery as an adult, I would be totally supportive of their choice. 

     But then it got me thinking on a more spiritual level. I started questioning why Heavenly Father would allow a person to be born with something like that if one of the main points of this earth life is to have a family, multiply and replenish the earth. The whole scenario got me thinking about gay people (I realize gay is not the same as transgender or intersexed) and wondered if gay people are similar to these other folks to some degree. Is it possible that their spirits were put into the wrong body? Then I thought, no, gay people feel like they have the right body, they just have an attraction to the opposite sex. Then I started thinking “are gay people born gay or is it a choice?” This is an ongoing debate for a majority of homosexuals. I have had several gay friends throughout my adolescence and adulthood. Several times my best friend (who I’ll call “D” and who, by the way, was raised LDS) and I would talk about whether he chose to be gay or if he felt he was born gay. His constant reply was that he was born that way. I would argue back that Heavenly Father wouldn’t make someone gay because it goes against His entire plan. D would shoot back with “Why would I choose this lifestyle? It’s one of the hardest lifestyles to live in this society.” So back and forth we’d go. I finally came to accept that D was set in his ways and beliefs and why should I try to change him? Whether he was born gay or chose that lifestyle, it isn’t my duty to convert him to heterosexuality. And it isn’t my place to judge him or determine his fate. Heavenly Father knows his heart and knows his circumstances just as He does everyone else.  So from then on I never really thought about it anymore because, to be honest, it didn’t affect me personally, so why worry myself with it? I’ll live my life and gay people can live theirs and we can still be friends. 

     But deep down I continued to believe that it was a choice. I rationalized that it was easier for gay people to say it was a choice because it somehow took the blame off them. I thought, maybe gay people feel like society (and perhaps bitter parents and other family members) would look on it more tolerantly if they thought it was something that couldn’t be helped or something that couldn’t be chosen. A scapegoat…wouldn’t that be easier? They don’t want to be held accountable so it’s easier to assume they “can’t help it.” My personal belief is that an attraction towards the opposite sex is just a trial to overcome, just like someone else’s trial in life might be addiction, or a family member’s death or any other number of hardships people face. I thought it was something that could be conquered with help through the proper channels and with the right amount of faith and strength and will power. 

     During a conversation one night with some relatives, my sister- in-law brought up the possibility that homosexuality is genetic. She made several persuasive and convincing comments, although, my convictions weren’t so strong at the time. This is mostly due in part of my apathetic nature. Like I said earlier, if something doesn’t pertain to me directly, then I feel no need to diligently seek out answers regarding the subject. I basically leave it in God’s hands. Like if something isn’t relevant to my own salvation (or someone close to me) then why should I dwell on the matter, research it, or try to find points and information in compliance with my views? 

     Anyway, my sister-on-law made a comment that straight people can’t choose to like the same sex so why could gay people choose to like the opposite sex? I said because it goes against God’s plan and we are made in his image. They said who we’re attracted to could be genetic or something inborn that we can’t control. But I couldn’t see how God would make someone gay. Sure, not everyone who comes to earth has a perfect body or mind. Sometimes people are born with physical handicaps or mental diseases that they can’t control and God allows that. Yet, those types of things (i.e. Downs Syndrome, autism, etc.) wouldn't affect a person’s eternal salvation. It’s not like Heavenly Father pre-ordains people to be murderers or molesters, so why would he create someone to be gay? That would take away free agency. Heavenly Father wants us all to return to Him so it doesn’t make sense that He would make someone in a way that goes entirely against His plan. I know everyone has urges and desires (that’s part of mortality), but it’s whether or not we act upon those sinful urges that determines a person’s faithfulness and righteousness. So if homosexuality is genetic, that’s not anyone’s fault but God’s? I don’t think so. There has also been research that shows there is an alcoholic gene. So if I was born with this gene, then there’s no hope for me? That just doesn’t make sense. If this alcoholic gene really exists and I’m pre-disposed to becoming an alcoholic, the possibility of me becoming such is very low if I avoid situations where I could drink. It’s my choice whether to stay away from alcohol or to give in, drink, and let the substance become a part of who I am. So in the case of homosexuality, if it is genetic, wouldn't it make sense that those who have the supposed gene could choose to act upon those urges, or choose to stay away from homosexual behavior all together? I believe everyone has weaknesses and how we overcome them or try to become more like Christ is what our judgment is based on. Everyone has different weaknesses…some of us have urges to be hateful, urges to do mean things, urges to do drugs, to lie, to pursue instant gratification, etc. but if we act on those urges or encourage those thoughts then there’s no one else to blame but ourselves.

      But now I find myself completely inundated with this information I recently watched on T.V. The transgender people who absolutely feel they were given the wrong bodies or the intersexed folks with bodies that aren’t exactly one gender or the other…do they have a choice? I talked to Mike about this and he suggested that when they become resurrected beings, their bodies will match their spirit, whether male or female. This makes sense to me. But gay people don’t necessarily feel like they were given the wrong gender body, they are just attracted to the same sex. So I feel like it’s totally different.

      I’ve been thinking a lot about choice and free agency lately because last week’s young women lesson was about making wise choices. We covered basic things like when we make a choice, there is always a consequence. If you smoke you put yourself at risk for health problems, if you disobey your parents you may have a privilege taken away, if you dress immodestly you could give the wrong impression to boys, if you cheat on a test you could lose the trust of your teacher and never learn the subject material, etc. etc. We have the right to choose. Free agency is one of the greatest gifts given to man. Neither God nor Satan can force us to do anything. But there are guidelines to follow. And I just feel like perhaps there are some things that can’t be chosen. For instance, a mother who chooses to do drugs while she’s pregnant may have a child born with birth defects or learning disabilities. That mother made the choice, but did the child get to choose its body? Or a mother who aborts her child has a choice, but does that child? The choice a person makes to drive recklessly may cause another person to get into an accident causing serious injury or death. Did that injured person have a choice? Or if there was a way to genetically enhance an unborn child or a way to "fix" a defect while in the womb, would the choice to use man’s technology to do these things affect the whole “plan,” or is it already laid out the way it’s supposed to be? I know everyone has a purpose and everything has meaning…but I guess right now I am just having a hard time understanding how much (if anything) is determined by us and how much is determined by Heavenly Father. 

     I understand that the people who have handicapped bodies or who are born intersexed have a purpose, even if that purpose is to only receive a body. I suppose I don’t need to mull over these ideas too much. I may never receive all the answers to my questions while here on earth. And some things are not necessary to know at this time anyway. I guess the only thing I need to do is trust that God knows what He’s doing. And I suppose I already feel in my heart the answers to some of my questions anyway. I just read this over and realized that it’s pretty random and I jump around a lot. Sorry about that. I think it just makes it easier for me to understand if I can write it out.



p.s. I don’t mind getting other people’s ideas or opinions, but please nothing hateful

Recent Photos of Vessie Ves

The Witching Hour

     So this day is finally catching up with me. Tuesdays and Fridays seem to be the worst days of the week for our family. Mike is gone from morning until night on those days, and so I am with Vessel by myself all day. Normally, it’s not a big deal, but Vessel has been so cranky today. He’s been non-stop screeching and whining. I think it’s a combo of teething and being sick.  

     I babysat for a friend of mine last week and for some reason she thought it would be okay to drop her kid off even though he was terribly sick. (Like green mucus dripping from his nose.) I didn’t know he was sick until they were at my door, so I couldn’t really get out of it. I have real issues letting sick people into my house and getting their germs everywhere. Even after disinfecting EVERYTHING in the apartment when they left, Vessel still got a cold and has given it to me as well.  

     It started last Friday night and he was up every hour unable to breathe so he spent most of the night in our bed or in our arms. At his age there aren’t a lot of medicines out there we can give him so we’ve been using saline drops for his nose, putting him in the steamy bathroom and using a humidifier at nights to clear his sinus passages. It’s so heartbreaking when he’s sick. This morning when he woke up his little feet and hands were like ice cubes so I put him in bed with me and we snuggled and got warm together. He buried himself next to me and it was really tender and sweet. We ended up falling asleep for a bit longer. But after we both got up for the day things kind of went downhill.  

     Today was just a hard day emotionally. Maybe it’s partly because I’ve had to care for an irritable, sick baby or because Mike and I haven’t seen each other all day. It might possibly have to do with the fact that I haven’t been able to take my thyroid medicine since my prescription ran out and my doctor didn’t write me a refill in time. Maybe part of it has to do with the full moon. Or maybe I’ve just had a lot of depressing stuff on my mind today.
 

     Well, I guess I could tell you about our weekend and at least try to end on a semi-positive note, right? Saturday Mike and I hung out with a new couple in our building, Conor and Jessica. The plan was to have a picnic in the park and then they were going to teach us how to play tennis. But unfortunately it rained all afternoon, so we ended up going to “The Pie” for lunch and then called it a day with them.

      That evening I totally cleaned the house. Not just de-cluttered the place, but actually detail cleaned (vacuumed, dusted, swept, mopped, scrubbed the toilet, tub, and sinks…etc.) It feels so good to have a clean home. It’s like I can completely relax when the house is spotless. I am a little anal about cleanliness and having order. Our poor kids… I also rearranged the furniture again. It’s nice to do that every couple of months. 

     I want to get more green plants around our house, but we can never keep them alive. We only have one bamboo stalk left out of the six we had when we first got married. I guess I’m not keen on the needs of houseplants, or maybe I’m just neglectful of them. 
     That night we were going to go to the Epic Summer Film Festival that our friends Casey and Helen are apart of, but since it was raining and Vessel wasn’t feeling well we opted not to go. Bummer. It sounded like lots of fun. On Sunday I gave the YW lesson on wise choices, which I’ll have to go into more detail later. 
     
     After church Mike’s brother, Danny and his very nice friend, Karen met us at our apartment and then we went to the institute building on the U of U campus for a fireside where Elder Jeffrey R. Holland spoke. We got there about an hour and a half early but we still didn’t get seats in the chapel or even in the mile long overflow. We sat in the alternate chapel on the opposite side of the building and watched it on a screen instead. But the presence of an apostle could be felt throughout the building. The fireside was so uplifting and spiritual, and even funny at times. I never knew Elder Holland had such a sense of humor! Again, I’ll have to go into more detail about his talk in another post. 

     Afterwards we came back to our apartment and Mike and I made dinner for everyone (spaghetti and meatballs, garlic bread, green beans, juice, and chocolate chip cookies for dessert.) To complete the night we played a game and then Danny and Karen had to get back home. It was so nice to visit with them. I think that about covers it.:-)

To Zach

I got this from Sophie's blog. She's a fifth grade teacher and apparently found a love note from a student of hers. Oh,young love. click on the image to make it larger so you can read all about it.

Today

     Today I had my first crossing job. It was pretty fun. I got to watch lots of cars go by. I tried counting how many people were on their cell phones while driving. I lost count. 

     The other crossing guard was an older lady who enjoyed motioning wildly with her arms to "slow down" to the drivers that completely ignored the flashing lights indicating a 20 mph school zone. In the words of Brian Nelson, "I go out there and put my life on the line everyday." I now have a much deeper respect for crossing guards. :)   But seriously, if Vessel was walking to school and had to cross that busy street, I'd be thankful for a crossing guard to make sure he got to the other side of the road safely.
     
     Today I saw at least 5 stupid people dressed up in costumes jumping around with signs promoting the company they work for. T-mobile, Jamba Juice, Little Ceasars, some guys in blue wigs and blue shirts advertising their moving company, and something else I don't remember. Man, I hate those jerks. They get paid to act like a bunch of idiots while distracting drivers, making them more prone to accidents. No offense if you are one of those people. I especially dislike the guy who waves at the cars while he holds his "ALPINE HOMES" sign as we drive to Mike's parents' house. Do you think some douchebag waving his sign around and doing a little dance is going to make people flip a U-ey and go check out houses for sale? I doubt it. Sorry if that's anyone's dad I'm talking about. I guess you gotta get paid somehow.
 
     Today Vessel has been really cranky. He has a runny nose and his gums are really tender. He must be getting more teeth. Poor kid. I had to leave Mardene's house early because he was in such misery.
 
     Today we ate at Zupa's. Tracy and Gavin introduced us to it. It was Zuptacular! By the way, thanks for the fondue you guys. Oh and, don't forget the bowling champion.
 
     Our friends Sheldon and Michelle are moving tomorrow. I hope they enjoy their new house!  It will be a sad day. They have been such good friends to us. It's hard to see them go. Dang, nobody else better move.   Psh. Honestly, we can't afford to lose any more friends. So if you are our friends, and you're reading this, you better not even think about moving away. If you do, I'll have no other choice but to slit my wrists and dry heave in a corner. Ta ta.

Yikes

I don't know how many of you have been following the Phil Spector murder trial, but Mike and I have sure enjoyed the vast amount of coverage online. It's like the guy changes his 'do every day. I have to be honest, this Spector guy frightens me beyond all reason.

I wonder if he thought this disco bush afro would win the jury over.

Blondes have more fun.

Holy freakin' crap. Don't tell me this guy isn't a murderer. Mike thought it would be funny to set this picture as our desktop wallpaper. Yah, I soil myself every time I turn on the computer. You have to admit, this guy is a nut job.

Do you see the evil-osity as he looks back at the camera?

Subtly flipping the bird

Zoinks! This is one of Spector's ex-girlfriends testifying against him at his trial. This is one instance where I'd support plastic surgery. It looks like Spector bit off her nose and then tried to reattach it with Krazy Glue.

aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh

Thanks to Chris, my husband has developed a sort of man-crush on Rick Astley and has been Rickrolling everyone on our contact list. Psh. Get that song out of my head!!!!

Rick Roll

Ok, I found one of Rick Astley's videos on Chris Rasmussen's blog, and I have to admit the guy is sweet. It's like Buzz from Home Alone meets Barry White. Click here to get Rick Roll'd!.

P.S. If you can survive the whole video, I owe you a Coke.

Nothing's Safe

Vessel uses the shelf as a jungle gym and manages to push our heavy Buddha statue to its demise. This is an ongoing occurrence. I hope he doesn't get hurt one of these days.